It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize