Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize