I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize