One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
