Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize