then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
