you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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