Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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