worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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