so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bang-toberfest begins!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
