like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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