i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she smelled like a LAN party
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
