I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ttyl tear gas
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
