So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
