Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
