A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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