jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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