Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
