What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize