i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
