Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
