theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
