somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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