If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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