You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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