i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
