I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
