He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
