i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
