why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
