Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
