When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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