How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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