have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize