The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
