this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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