i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
