No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
