Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
