is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
