Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
