upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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