Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He felt like a one man threesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
