dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize