I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just want nice things and good sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
