last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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