I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
