If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
