garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
