Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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