just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
