All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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