im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
