I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
