Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
