Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
