you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
