i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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