i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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