You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
