I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just took my morning after pill in the library
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
